It may sound clichéd, but there are emotional struggles to face when creating a musical record. I offered to be candid about the whole process, so I will try to give some insight into my own worries, anxieties and inner-conflicts.
‘Fire in the White Stone’ was a success in the sense that its lead song ‘Lorn and Loath’ became something of a hit… on Spotify. More importantly, I was extremely satisfied with the album. I know many of you love the first album, ‘Songs from the Fyrgen’, but from my perspective ‘Fire in the White Stone’ was a step up in all ways. I even felt initially that I’d never make another album, because I had nothing better in me (I now feel different). And yet, believe it or not, it took several years for me to recoup the costs of making that album.
I don’t do Wolcensmen for the money (I work day jobs like most musicians do), but it can be daunting embarking on an intense project, into which you pour your whole being, whilst knowing that there may be little or no material reward. It’s not the lack of material reward that matters, as such, but the feeling that your torrential outpouring of energy isn’t valued. It’s in our nature as human animals to be enthused by endeavours which reward us, and unenthused by endeavours which don’t reward us. So the first obstacle we face as musicians is to overcome that instinct; to muster a profound enthusiasm for something which we may not be rewarded for. Of course, I know Wolcensmen is valued dearly by many of you, and that some of you still insist on buying physical records and merchandise.
This contest within ourselves takes on a different meaning through each stage of our lives. As fathers or mothers, every hour we spend writing and recording is an hour we take away from precious time spent with children. Many a musician has fatherhood buried. I’d rather strike a balance than hang up the guitar, but such concerns do make one’s passion feel more like sacrifice.
I hope this doesn’t come across as bitterness or complaint. It’s an honest insight into the mental hurdles of a musician at my level.